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We of the Cupid Council of Elders are proud to announce our new suggestion box! If anyone’s got any ideas, please write them on one of the provided cards and drop them in! We will look them over as soon as possible!
Personally, I feel that the Cupid Homeworld simply doesn’t have enough warehouses! Sure, there are a few, but we of the Department of Construction have only been building three or four warehouses per week for some time now. If things continue on like this, we may have to shut down the whole department, and just think how terrible a thing that would be for all Cupids!
— Foreman-964
Intra-Council Addendum: Do not approve any more warehouses. It’s got to the point where we’ve got more warehouses than supplies to store in them.
Please tell Foreman-964 that he must stay out of the Department of Postal Services’ building unless he has come to pick up his mail. He keeps coming in there, saying things like “Hmm, yes, this would be a good place for a warehouse, if only those fools at the Parliament would agree”, and then leaving. I think he’s just trying to annoy me, and it’s making me extremely annoyed!
— Philatel-426
Intra-Council Addendum: Suggestion approved. Although there probably is a better use for the West Wing of the building – right now it’s just holding stamps and the offices of the Blue Feather – both useless, really.
I see that you have not responded to my previous suggestion. For now, I will forgo the assumption that it is because you lot are incompetent fools, and assume instead that it slipped out of the box, due to improper construction, no doubt. In my previous suggestion, I noted that the Homeworld has too few warehouses. Tragically, this point still stands. Luckily, I have saved you the work of picking out a place for a new warehouse and picked one out myself. The Department of Postal Services’ building’s current location would be perfect. Please consider allowing me and my team to demolish it. Thanks.
— Foreman-964
Intra-Council Addendum: Perhaps we should ban Foreman from the suggestion box?
I know that you lawmakers frown on the creation of Cupids not created by the Creator or the Great Foundries, but I really think you should consider letting the Sisters of Juliet (er, that is, the Sisters of Me) back into the Homeworld. After all, Pseudo-Pessimist has been readily accepted into the Blue Feather – why shouldn’t they have their chance? You know, just yesterday, the Department of Cinematography screened a new picture, and I wasn’t able to see it – the Sisters certainly would have been useful to have around then.
— Juliet-178
Intra-Council Addendum: Suggestion denied. Honestly, we only tolerate having Pseudo-Pessimist around because he’s far more tolerable than the real Pessimist.
I see that you are still neglecting to respond to my suggestions. Not only that, but I have received notice that I am no longer allowed in the building of the D.P.S. unless I am picking up my mail. I am now forced to conclude that you lot are a bunch of incompetent ninnies who don’t know how to work your own suggestion box. I think it’s about time we had a new Council and Parliament elected, and I won’t be voting for ANY OF YOU PEOPLE!
— Foreman-964
Intra-Council Addendum: Foreman is now banned from the suggestion box.
Is there any chance you might be willing to sponsor a research mission to the Euclidean Plane? We at the Department of Zoology would like to study the native species of the place in depth. We also have a theory that there might be a seventh, previously-undiscovered type of Geometron living there: the Lunaeoid, or Crescent Geometron! Do think it over and let us know!
— Edwin-750
Intra-Council Addendum: Suggestion approved. More Geometrons means more folks to romanticise, after all!
Honestly, I think this whole romanticising business ought to stop. It’s rather unpleasant. Of course, I can’t think of anything particularly pleasant at the moment, but perhaps I’d have a better chance of thinking of something if I weren’t constantly being bombarded by these terrible romantification missions. Please consider shutting down the entire thing and disbanding, or at least setting me adrift in the Void where I can finally get some peace and quiet.
— Pessimist-242
Intra-Council Addendum: Suggestion denied. Obviously.
Intra-Council Addendum II: Some members have expressed interest in setting Pessimist adrift in the Void, although we have voted against this by a slim margin.
I’ve recently heard of this place called the “Interdimensional Black Market”. Perhaps it would be a good place to romanticise people – it gives us a wide range of targets from across the Multiverse, and could serve as a replacement for the Interdimensional Tavern, where, you might recall, we are forbidden from romanticising anyone. I vote that we add it to our list of frequented locations.
— Companionship-790
Intra-Council Addendum: Suggestion will be put to vote.
I think that all non-Cupid associates should get to have alternating weeks of work and no work. On their no-work weeks they could, for example, travel about and see the sights. I feel that this would increase morale – the Cupids may enjoy working all the time, but the rest of us want a break. I have the support of that creepy floating guy in the Department of Postal Services and that little robot who just got a job at the Department of Transportation and Ship-Building on this matter.
— Pessimist’s Fog Ship
Intra-Council Addendum: Well, since “Non-Cupid associates” only describes three entities, I suppose we’ll put it to vote.
My fellow members of the Blue Feather and I feel that we should be assigned to more dangerous and important cases. We’re clearly competent enough – why, we once found a mailbag! In fact, it might be best if you just got rid of the Scarlet Wings entirely – what good are they? – and making the Blue Feather the main elite task force of the Crew. Do consider it and let us know of your decision!
— Acquaintanceship-982
Intra-Council Addendum: We will obviously not be replacing the Scarlet Wings. It’s also probably for the best that the Blue Feather stick to less dangerous cases – as far as we know, they barely even found that mailbag. And if you think this is because mailbags are too hard, consider that when we sent them to fetch a pie, they alerted every Fooling Fish in the building to their presence and didn’t even bring back the right sodding pie!
After giving it full consideration, I think it would be best if we would abandon foolish notions of ‘love’ and ‘romance,’ embrace the true order of the multiverse and seed hatred throughout it as best we can. All agreed?
— Wicked-6666
Inter-Council Addendum: There isn’t a Wicked-6666 on record and this is creepy and whoever wrote this, this is NOT funny, dammit!
I think that you should invest in bringing a tailor to the Homeworld. And perhaps a clothing designer as well. Also, a haberdasher and a hatmaker. There is a dreadful lack of clothes among most of the residents, and most of them have no sense of style at all – just yesterday I had to explain to Pessimist that a top hat is, in fact, a type of hat, and not something to eat soup out of. Absolutely dreadful!
–Dandy-432
Intra-Council Addendum: We’ve got enough non-Cupids living in the Homeworld as it is, we’re not importing any more. And, as Dandy says, not many Cupids wear clothes anyway. Suggestion denied!
The Blue Feather is definitely a whole lot better than the Scarlet Wings. You should definitely promote them to main elite task force. That would definitely improve security, and also morale.
— A fan of the Blue Feather (not Acquaintanceship!)
Intra-Council Addendum: Acquaintanceship is now banned from the suggestion box.
After months of extensive research, I have concluded that the existence of a wider multiverse is a ruse. There is only the Homeworld, and nothing else. All of these dimensions we’ve been travelling to are actually holographic projections. Also, Lord Thymon is a highly advanced animatronic figure. I demand that you reveal this information to the public, or I will have no choice but to expose you myself!
— Conspiracy-1263
Intra-Council Addendum: Not this again. I’d thought we were done dealing with Conspiracy’s conspiracies after the “clouds are actually large helium balloons” debacle. If he attempts to “expose us to the public” one more time, we’re going to have to report him to the Department of Discipline.
Personally, I feel that the newer-model Cupids are far too small. I’ve heard that the upcoming Mark 18 Cupids are going to be the smallest yet! I think we should return to the larger models of old, and make each new model larger instead of smaller. The Mark 4s, for instance, were a good start, but we need to make ’em bigger still. Imagine – a Cupid the size of a building! Think how many people it could romanticise at once, with a single shot of an enormous arrow (which would probably cause a few serious injuries, as well, but sacrifices must be made in the name of love, you know)!
— Magnification-236
Intra-Council Addendum: We’re not making any more enormous Cupids – not after that incident with the (thankfully scrapped) mountain-sized Mark 15 prototype. That poor dimension – I’d never seen so much destruction!
Let’s launch an attack on the Interdimensional Tavern! You might think that this is a terrible idea, but hear me out. If we overthrow all of the employees, we can run the Tavern, and when travelers stop there, we’ll romanticise ’em!
–Conquest-932
Intra-Council Addendum: While that is a tempting idea, overthrowing people is in direct violation of the Crew’s guiding moral principles – and besides, hardly any of us know how to cook!
This isn’t really a suggestion – I just wanted ta let ya know that I accidentally broke th’ window o’ the Parliament buildin’ wit’ a rock earlier today. Sorry about that!
–Anonymous Cupid
Intra-Council Addendum: This is obviously Larrikin – he’s the only Cupid who writes in an accent. This is not what the suggestion box is for! (Let’s make him repair that window)
WoUlD yOu MiNd TeRrIbLy If I iNvItEd A fEw Of My DeAr OlD cHuMs fRoM tHe VoId To LiVe HeRe In ThE hOmEwOrLd? I’m SuRe ThEy WoUlD’nT cAuSe ToO mUcH tRoUbLe!
–LoRd ThYmOn
Intra-Council Addendum: That is a very bad idea. Please make sure Thymon doesn’t do this. Unless, of course, they all lined up and let us romanticise them first – we could use a few more mail sorters and such – but I suppose they’d be more likely to simply destroy the whole place as soon as they arrived.
I propose that we invite the Gang of the Green Gorilla to the Homeworld for a shindig! I’ve heard that they’re real party animals!
–Celebration-665
Intra-Council Addendum: Is everyone actively trying to get the Homeworld destroyed? We need to hold a seminar on security.
You know, romanticising people is all well and good, but it’s not a very lucrative venture. Perhaps it would be best if we charge for romantification from now on. We can also sell Cupid-themed merchandise on the side – Cupid bobble-heads, perhaps? What d’you think?
–Avarice-824
Intra-Council Addendum: That is one of the worst ideas I’ve ever heard – and I’ve heard some terrible ideas, most of them from this suggestion box.
So, how about reconsidering that whole “no more warehouses” thing? I think we could really use some more warehouses. Please give this your utmost consideration.
–Foreman-964
Intra-Council Addendum: How did you even get past the suggestion box guards we posted? How? Grrrr….
Let’s just get rid of the suggestion box. All in favor?
–Cupid Councilman #002
Intra-Council Addendum: The Council unanimously agrees!
We of the Cupid Council are happy to announce that the suggestion box is now closed! If anyone’s got any ideas, kindly keep them to yourselves. Thanks!
(Written by Lupan Evezan & Aristide Twain)
The Crew of the Copper-Colored Cupids 